


The Understanding of Damnation

by orphan_account



Series: Understandings [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: HP: EWE, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 23:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3587787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus knows he's damned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Understanding of Damnation

He visits you — again — wearing that Gryffindorish grin on his face. It is infuriating. How dare he waltz into the ward, thinking that he owns the place, thinking that he can just get into your life? Just because he killed that monster and freed everyone, yourself included, from a horrible fate it does not give him the right to be here. It does not!

Does it?

You scowl at him, and he is determined to think that you are a soft, noble man. How misplaced is his opinion... You are not soft, and neither noble — everything you did was just a way to redeem your soul. It was selfish. You hide even from yourself that perhaps — just perhaps — you wanted something else. Maybe you still do.

The glares are not enough to scare him, not any more, and that's the first evidence of your damnation. You can't throw at him some harsh words right now — probably will not be able to do so soon, because your neck is still healing — so you need to put up with his conversation about how the war ended when you were lying bloodied in the Shrieking Shack.

He goes away and you feel a tiny void inside a part of that's been dormant for some time — a lot of time — but it is easy to ignore this tiny void.

For now, at least.

When he comes back — and he always does — you feel... You feel odd, to be honest. Somehow his talking about trivial things doesn't annoy you that much any more. It may be because you noticed how much his voice is actually likable.

That's the second sign of your damnation, of course.

You need him to be away. Maybe you can glare until he gets out.

No such luck.

You were never lucky, were you?

So you tolerate — yes, tolerate is the only word you can use to describe it because you are afraid of using others — his presence. You grow used to his non-stop talking and the sound of his laugh. Damn. You wish you could talk, shoo him away and save yourself from the disappointment that will sure blossom when in a certain future he will not be here any more. Nobody ever stays.

As the days pass you regain the ability to talk, and uses it to berate him.

It does not work, and Pomfrey soon restrains the time you can talk. Stupid woman. Where was she when you needed her to send Potter away?

More days pass and you notice — you may be temporarily confined to a bed, but you're not an idiot — how he looks at you with softness and... Longing.

Fucking Hell.

You are both damned, but he is a slow Gryffindor and didn't realize it yet. Maybe you can avoid that he does it at all, as it would save a lot of pain and suffering for everyone.

However, you would be lying if you said that damnation is something you totally dislike.

And that's the third sign of your damnation.


End file.
